johnte28's Blog

Well it seems like being the good guy doesnt work for me. A girl i was hoping to date who i became close too tells me while we are hanging out that she is dating the other guy in our japanese class. I tried to act happy for her since we are friends but i was hoping she would have feelings for me but i was wrong so i just pretty much gave up being that way anymore. So now it seems to me that women take advantage of me being nice to use me and trick me into thinking something is there but the guy who is the wildest and probably someone who will beat women up are the type they go for. I know it seems like i am pretty much just being a baby but this happens to me all the time and i just think now that i will look for girls who are pursuing me and i will not go after girls anymore i cant keep going on this way.

Well i finally fixed my crazy computer it was driving me nuts but i finally traped it and got rid of it. I was told by my friends to not do it the way i did because my computer could crash but i wanted to test myself on see if i could do it without a virus protector. I keep it trapped in different files as it moved around it was kinda like a snake moving from file to file so on a daily bases i had to keep changing it to files i didnt mind doing it because it was a challenge so i wanted to see how if possible to get rid of it. I finally found out a way and i wonder if i somehow found out something else so i think i am gonna see if what i did was something great so i may have to ask around because it was not easy to get rid of that virus.

I have somehow figured out something amazing and i dont know what to do with what i now know. I know you all who read this will want to know but until i figure out if it is ok to speak on it and how i came into possesion of it. I was just getting off the bus after from my japanese class and there it was sitting on the ground as it was only for my eyes only and it was so easy to see so when i saw it i grabbed it so fast because i knew if someone else have seen it they wouldnt hesitate to pick it up. It was just strange that it was just laying on the ground and no one noticed it. I got home and just sat down to look at it to see if it was real and it was so i am just wondering what to do next but i really dont know how this happened to me.

I  have been doing alot of thinking lately and i thought my life couldnt get any worse but sometimes when we look at all the negatives we miss all the positives that have happened to you during the year. I know one thing for sure this has been my hardest year by far but i am never gonna give in to my fears and doubts in my mind. I have seen alot of things come and go in my life good and bad but i just cant keep being the way i am now i need to get back to the way i was before because i know this is gonna last only for awhile and i know myself better than anyone. And i know i am not a quiter. I decieded to write this down because of someone who is having a hard time too and i hope this helps anyone if they can relate to it have confidence and keep going for your dreams becuase you only fail when you give up

Once again i was in an  accident i am starting to wonder if i should just start turning down offers to give me a ride because foe the second time i was riding with a crazy driver but at least this one wasnt as bad as the other one. This was by a person on her way to church and from the way she was talking i am surprised she is a christian but no one was hurt thankfully.

My aunt was just trying to calm her down while i looked at the damage which wasnt bad so they both decieded to let it go it was only a little bump at a quick red light when she stoped suddenly and my aunt bumped her and it was no damage. I am gonna stick to the bus for now on until i can get up the nerve to be around these crazy drivers.

i've been studying japanese for over 4 years now and i have finally gotten the hang of it and i can have conversations to a certain degree . A nd i realized how far i needed to go when i finally got into the writing of the characters which is bad for me because my handwriting sucks. And you  need to have a steady hand while doing the strokes and characters. All my lines were all over the place and unreadable it was so embarrasing to be the only one not doing then correctly. I thought about asking my friends who may have experience in doing them but i thought i wouldnt be satisfied with that.

I took the teachers advice and started out big and work my way on down to doing them smaller i really hope i can get it down by monday so i wont get a failing grade on the test. Funny thing about it i was watching an anime where the person there was having problems writing the characters too and he was japanese so i am hoping it will give me confidence in seeing that not everyone can just jump at it and do it. Well wish me luck i wanna pass this because i have been doing well so far. So i wanna give it my all.

All the time i had resting from the accident i was doing alot of thinking and sometimes i wonder why i have all these thoughts. I had thoughts of  past relationships and how they ended, deaths in the family and all kinds of food ideas i could think of. It was funny because my mom came to check on me to see how i am eating and feeling and i was messing around with dough and still working on my honey bun twisters idea and i was making better progress untill she came and snatched it from me but i now can see how i can do it and try other types of ways to make them.

Now the relationship thing kinda scared me because i really havent even been  on a date with any girl in 3 years and it kinda made me alittle depressed when my friends are married and i am the only one not married or close to even getting married. But i quickly got over that by putting in a movie to get me laughing and having fun playing my 360 with my cousin.

The part about the deaths in the family was something i thought the most about in these 2 years alone 9 members of my family have died and now my family has really started to grow more apart instead of the other way around. I was thinking do they really dont care about me or maybe they dont think it's important to stay in touch even though we live so close to each other. My family over seas keeps in touch with me more than the ones who stay in the same country as me and i just find myself wondering if because i am different they dont want to associate with me and keep thier distance from me because they all see the other ones in my family and at the funerals is when i only get to see them which is sad. But my mother tells me not to worry too much and i dont because they treat her the same way  so i kinda try to stay positive and not try to act angry in front of them.

Ahh man it has been a rough past week for me i was in a 3 car accident with my cousin and i didnt have a seatbelt on so i had the most damage out of everyone. We were coming out of the parking lot of a best buy and a truck hit us into the car which was behind us and i hit the window dislocating my shoulder and knocking myself out for 3 hours.  I was mostly angry but relieved to be alive because this  isnt the first time this has happened so i am thankful to how tough i am.

Ive had some strange days in my life but this one definately takes high priority and it's so fitting that my first blog is today so i will share my experience. Well this morning i was walking to the library which is like 3 miles but it was really cool this morning so i decieded to walk here. On my way walking i see some cats in the back alley way and i check it out( wished i didnt) .And there were huge rats back there just getting mauled by these cats and it is strange because they are actually not running and fighting the cats. Now i know youre thinking why i am watching this but it was not your normal cat and mouse thing, these things were huge and not going down easy because they cats are going nuts but of course winning the fight as they screamed while tearing them up. Now the place where i saw all this will definately surprise you and maybe not some other people but it was behind a mcdonalds and it definately helped me see and know why i dont go there to eat it was really crazy.